Cosmogony 766: Bad Ends

Not to be confused with Badass, which is located in a different (and not even parallel) universe. Seventy kilometres north of Crete 581d’s capital, Reticulum, lie the Bad Ends, easily reachable from the city by northern line tube.

Upright citizens generally avoid the Bad Ends. But despite the crime rate the Bad Ends is known for its hair and nail salons. Dr Boson’s student, sociologist Muon Prasadium, has established a link between organised crime, hairdressers and nail salons. Prasadium was unable to verify whether salons sprung up in areas of increased criminal activity, or whether increased criminal activity followed the opening of a new salon.

It is indisputable, however, that the Bad Ends really became bad when Phineas Guthrie founded Conscious Follicles. Since then, hairdressing has often had links to organised crime. Jeremiah Kibbles moved into the area soon after. Jeremiah Kibbles started his business at the back of a nail salon, cleaning and upgrading obsolete firearms and selling them on the blackmarket. He was no threat to Guthrie’s hairdressing business (which focused on money laundering), but Guthrie clearly resented Kibbles ever growing presence in the underworld. Initially Guthrie was one of Kibbles’ best customers, but he used the very weaponry he purchased to secretly take out some of Kibbles’ most important contacts.

Kibbles Industries grew until the government could no longer ignore it, and it is now a major player in the armament defence and export markets of Crete 581d.

The turf war between Kibbles and Guthrie has lasted twenty years and is ongoing. It has become less intense since Kibbles Industries moved most of its manufacturing to Crete 581f. The Bad Ends has resultingly become less bad. It has even become a little hipster, although this change is not appreciated by everyone.

It is appropriate to finish this entry into the Cosmogony with reference to the thirty-third Mayor of Reticulum, as it is from his mouth that the name Bad Ends reputedly originates. A more extended version of this speech can be found in Rocket Science.

“I vow to clean this scar on the arm of society, this sore on the finger of our outstretched hand. These bad ends will no longer be the scab left on our velvet tissue. No more will they suck the teat of our nanny goat, or spit with the wind towards our daily labours. The bad ends will be clean. These bad ends will no longer be bad.” (Unknown Mayor of Reticulum, Speech given at Annual Conference for Unknown People who Desire to be Known more than they are Currently Known.)

From Doctor Boson’s Cosmogonyan encyclopaedia of the future

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *